Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
