Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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