I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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