I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
