I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
