Screwed.edu
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You pole danced in your parka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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