She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
