Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
