just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
