i may or may not be watching the land before time
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
