He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
