Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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