There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
