What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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