My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Panties = found
Randomize
