I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
