this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
