They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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