I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
