YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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