Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
