I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
