I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just pee around me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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