dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
