they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was CRYING into my vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
