i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
