you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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