dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
