Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
