Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
a search helicopter?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
