happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
