Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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