He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
