i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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