exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
