I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
