so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
