i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
