a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
