her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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