guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
where does the pee come out of this thing
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
