by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
