Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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