Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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