I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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