As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
