I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
