Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
