the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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