Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
