Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
