Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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