shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
