I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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