you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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