please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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