; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
