I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All the doctor said was why
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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