My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
