and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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