once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
