I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
