I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
me + whiskey = a bad person
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
where are my eyebrows?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
