I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
