WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
