Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
