Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
