there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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